Sunday, February 3, 2013

Should happens

It is safe to say that I am abnormally close with my mother (and darn grateful to be so), especially at my age.

As a junior in college, there are several things to consider, concerning the future, my vocation as a daughter of God, my education. In the last few weeks, I have spent a lot of time talking to her about what I "should" do, how I "should" feel. And after a while, she finally said, "Katie, I think you 'should' too much." 

What on earth does this mean? God created us to do good, so naturally, there are right and wrong things to do and say. In that sense, you can't "should" too much!

But I don't think that is what my mom was trying to say. See, as I've gotten older, I've come to realize what many have realized before me. Mark Twain said, 

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he had learned in seven years."

I've never thought that my mother and father were ignorant, but I seldom fully appreciated their wisdom. What my great momma was getting at is comparing my internal life to the external lives of the other people in my life. There is a limit to the amount of one's internal self is shown through behavior to the general public, but besides that I am the only me there will ever be

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

I was recently at a Catholic Students' conference, and one of speakers said, "When your parents conceived you, God thought to himself, 'What does the world need right now?' And your face entered his mind. He sent you here for a specific purpose and there is no other person who can fill in for you."

After the fall of man, vanity and comparing myself to other people is almost inevitable, but each time I think, "I should look.... like this person," or "I should do .... like this person," or even "I should feel differently.... because of this," I will strive to remember that I am an individual. Should happens every day, but God's plan for me in this world is constant, and I will continue to pray to realize it.